Congregation Netivot Shalom

President's Remarks
Kol Nidre
October 1, 2006 / 10 Tishrei 5767
Carol Cunradi

This past April, the Netivot Shalom Board of Directors took the major step of voting to affiliate with the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, the congregational arm of the Conservative movement.  This decision followed months of research and due diligence on the part of the Rabbi Pre-Selection Committee, as well as open dialogue and debate by the Congregation and the Board.  The Board decided that affiliation with United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism was the best way to find a new rabbi for Netivot Shalom in preparation for Rabbi Kelman’s retirement.

At the same time, many of us remain deeply concerned about the discriminatory policies of the Conservative movement regarding the rabbinic ordination of gays and lesbians, and in hiring practices of USCJ at the national level.  That is why the Board voted to create a committee with the task of identifying specific ways to use our USCJ affiliation and the rabbi search process to advocate for change.  Board member Dan Handwerker has taken the lead in this area by crafting a petition, to be circulated among Conservative congregations, Rabbis, and USCJ employees, that would require all USCJ employment decisions to be made without consideration of sexual orientation.  Our Board unanimously endorsed this petition.  In November, Rabbi Kelman, Executive Director David Stein, and I will be attending a Northern California Regional USCJ conference, where we will circulate our petition among the rabbinic and lay leadership attending the meeting.

Likewise, Beth Israel Congregation in Ann Arbor, Michigan, is circulating an open letter in support of the ordination of gay and lesbian Jews within the Conservative movement.  In last week’s J., the Jewish news weekly of Northern California, it was reported that our sister congregation in San Francisco, Beth Sholom, responded to Beth Israel’s letter and passed its own resolution.

When I heard about Beth Israel’s campaign, I went to their web site to directly check out their statement. In doing so, I came across a message from their spiritual leader, Rabbi Robert Dobrusin, entitled, “On the Ordination of Gay and Lesbian Rabbis.”  I would now like to take a few minutes to read part of his message to you because it resonated so strongly with me.  In it, he aptly describes social change processes concerning the ordination of women rabbis in relation to the Conservative movement.  I also think it is a very hopeful and inspirational message.

Rabbi's Message - On the Ordination of Gay and Lesbian Rabbis

Although the first woman was not accepted to the Rabbinical School of the Jewish Theological Seminary of America until the 1980's I believe that the decision to ordain women came much earlier. It didn't happen in the 1980's or even the 70's or 60's. It goes much further back than that and the decision was reflected in decisions made in individual communities, each in its own way.

Here is how it happened in my community. 

Congregation Kehillath Israel in Brookline, Massachusetts had two religious schools. There was the Hebrew School and there was the Girls' School, which closed a couple of years after I graduated Hebrew School in 1969.  We had 60 kids in our graduating class, 51 of them, a mixture of boys and girls, graduated the Hebrew School and 9, all girls, graduated the Girls' School. 

The Girls' School, which was somewhat of a mystery to those of us in the Hebrew School, had a lighter curriculum, more focused on home rituals and far less rigorous than the five day a week school we attended which concentrated on studying Torah and Rashi, classical Hebrew and tefilla. 

I don't know when the first girl was accepted into the regular Hebrew School instead of the Girls' School, but I believe that that was the day the Conservative movement decided to ordain women. It just took us 50 or 60 years to realize that is what had been decided. 

I say this because from the first day that boys and girls studied together in Conservative synagogues, it made no sense whatsoever to have them attend the same class, study the same material, put in the same hours, speak the same language, take the same tests, forego other after school activities like little league and music lessons, be graded on attendance at Junior Congregation, get the same dirty looks from frustrated teachers and not be given the same opportunity to lead a Jewish community. 

It made no sense.  But, it went on for 40 or 50 years. 

I didn't think about how senseless it was until 1977, my first year in Rabbinical School. The school year traditionally started with an opening breakfast and I came back from my first such breakfast to my dorm room to find a note tacked to the door. The note was written by a friend of mine named Debby Cantor whom I had just worked with for two months in the same division at Camp Ramah. We had just graduated Brandeis a month before and Debby called me from Camp because she had heard that I didn't have a summer job and convinced me to come to Camp Ramah to be a counselor. 

Debby was the Rosh Edah, the Division Head and I was a Counselor.  From watching Debby, I learned how to effectively run an educational program, how to give a d'var Torah to kids, how to discipline kids in a camp setting and, most importantly, I learned from her how important it was to do this holy work which I did at Camp Ramah for the next 12 summers. 

So, back to the first day of Rabbinical School. I found a note she left me written on the stationery of her school: The Graduate School in Jewish Education of the Jewish Theological Seminary. The note said with not very well hidden envy: "Dear Rob: How's Rabbinical School, you lucky dog." That's when it hit me how senseless this all was.

Thank God, some 10 years later, Debby was ordained as a Rabbi, 6 years later than she should have been. 

The decision was made back in the 30's or 40's but no one was ready to admit it until the 1980's.  And, in between, two or three generations of women were passed over and never got the chance to serve as Rabbis. And we are all the poorer for it.

One could argue that processes like these take time.  I agree. One could argue that change must come gradually.  I agree.  But, at some point, you look back and say: How could we ever have thought it was wrong? How many opportunities did we miss in the meantime and how many people did we exclude? 

This December, as you well know, the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards of the Rabbinical Assembly will vote on teshuvot, responsa, concerning the admission of students into the Rabbinical School as candidates for ordination regardless of sexual orientation. However, I believe, we have already made this decision.

He goes on to describe how the 1992 decision within the Conservative movement to extend a welcome to gay and Lesbian Jews helps set the stage for Law Committee rulings that favor the rabbinic ordination of gay and Lesbian Jews.  As Rabbi Dobrusin says, “The only question is: when will the decision come?”

I urge all of you to check out his entire message on the Beth Israel – Ann Arbor website.

I would like to conclude tonight by pointing out that the coming year marks 2 milestones in the life of Congregation Netivot Shalom.  First, this is our Chai year – we will be celebrating 18 years together as an egalitarian spiritual community dedicated to tefilah (prayer) and gemilut chasidim (acts of lovingkindness). 

Second, Rabbi Kelman, our founding Rabbi, will retire next June after having served as our spiritual leader for these past 18 years.  Throughout the year, all of us will have the opportunity to participate in a number of activities and events that will honor Rabbi Kelman for his dedication and service.  For example, congregant Dan Siegel is organizing another congregational Shabbaton at Camp Newman over the 2007 Memorial Day weekend, which will feature a scholar in residence.   And on the evening of June 10, we will hold a gala tribute dinner in Rabbi Kelman’s honor.  If you would like to express your gratitude through involvement, or simply wish to volunteer to help make these events a success, please contact David Stein, our Executive Director, after the holiday.

And on a personal note, I would like to say that this is my 18th year being a part of this community.  Although I was not a founding member of Netivot, I attended my first Netivot service over the Yamim Noraim in 1989, shortly after Jim and I moved to Berkeley with our then 3-year old daughter, Laura.  I was searching for a traditional yet egalitarian synagogue, and I was lucky enough to come upon an ad in the East Bay Express announcing the Berkeley Conservative Congregation’s traditional and egalitarian High Holiday services. 

The ad did not disappoint.  I was comforted to hear the melodies I remembered as a girl growing up in a traditional synagogue in Brooklyn, yet I was inspired to see women congregants playing a leadership role throughout the services.  I remember how my trepidation as a newcomer dissipated as I arrived at the Berkeley Conference Center and was greeted by congregants and offered synagogue honors.  And even though I had never met anyone before, I somehow felt that everyone seemed familiar.  Jim and I became dues-paying members a few months later.  Since that time, Netivot Shalom has provided a spiritual home for our family.  It has provided a community that has shared our joys, such as the birth of our second child, Clara, and the bat mitzvah of our older daughter, Laura, and has provided comfort in times of sorrow, such as when my father-in-law, George Cunradi, z”l, passed away.

Whether you’re new to our community or have been a member for years, I hope that this coming year you will consider how you can make your relationship with Netivot Shalom more spiritually fulfilling.  There are innumerable ways to do this.  If you’re not a ‘shul goer,’ consider coming to services a little more often than you do.  Perhaps you can come to the Wednesday morning minyan. Your presence may enable a mourner to say kaddish for their loved one.  Or if you don’t usually come to Shabbat services, give it a try at least once.

There are so many other ways you can be more spiritually connected with our community.  Consider making a meal for someone who is ill or in mourning, or making a shiva call or visiting an ill congregant, even if you don’t know the person.  We have many committees – marketing, membership, youth education, social action, to name a few – that could use your unique talents. Just call David Stein and he will direct you to the proper committee chair!  The point here is that not only will you feel more spiritually fulfilled; you will be doing a mitzvah while you’re in the process.

Gmar chatimah tovah.