Congregation Netivot Shalom

September 23, 2006 / Rosh Hashanah, First Day 5767

Shalom Spencer

When I was young my father obm who was often exasperated w/ me would often say “I wish I could get inside your head” . Of course I am using this as a way to introduce the theme, the inner meaning of R”H .

The word Rosh means head. R”H is the head of the year. The Kabbalists tell us that a new light begins to shine in our minds . So R”H is actually a great time for all of us to discover aspects of our selves that up to now have been “in the dark”. These same mystics tell us on R”H we should be mindful of good and positive thoughts. The idea behind this is that R”H is like the seed of thought which begins the year. Each month a seed grows into a tree. Hence R”H contain the potential for the entire year so we should us this time wisely. 

R”H is also the birthday of the world. The funny thing about birthdays is they seem to get less exciting as we get older. For those of us who have kids their first birthdays are tremendous events filled with anticipation glee and excitement. The day itself is a peak event to a child.

When my daughter was young we used to read a wonderful children’s book on R”H. In this book two fairly young children are told by their grandfather that R”H is in fact the birthday of the world. The young boy makes a beautiful birthday card and the little girl buys a birthday cake. On Erev R”H she fills cake w/ every possible candle possible. 

I think one of the things to keep in mind today is this sort of innocence and openness in the story I was talking about and how kids (and all of us) once had this openness to Birthdays.  If this is the Birthday of the world and the Birthday of the creation of us as humans, then maybe we can emulate these qualities today. 

Take prayer. Today and Tomorrow we seem to pray it seems forever.  The prayers are long, at times they seem irrelevant and maybe boring.  And during prayers we tend to rely on the our prayer leaders and chazanot (as wonderful as they are) to guide the prayers. Maybe because the focus on R”H is communal as it should be, we lose sight of our own role in all this. We in fact have a huge role because today all of us are on our own in a sort of sacred inner space as far as prayer and communication to G-d.  If as the liturgy says that this is a day of Yom Din (a Day of Judgment) then no one else can honestly know how to answer to G-d, only YOU. We need to call out to G-d in every prayer and maybe even every word “Please remember me and through your remembering , remind me of what I need to do on this planet and let me never forget it”.
  
There is a Hasidic teaching that our soul is like a valuable coin.  But we stain this coin and it loses its beauty without proper care.  Just like a coin or valuable silverware we need to polish our soul. That’s one of the things we are doing today and until Yom Kippor.
  
The Great Mystic R’ Issac Luria (The Arizal) discusses the creation of Adam and Chava (Eve) as a means to understand the high holidays. He teaches that the first human creation, Adam was androgynous; male and female. But they were connected back to back.  Remarkably both did not know of each others existence (you know this was a long, long time ago when a man and woman were so close together neither knew the other was around!).  The teaching goes on to explain that Adam fell asleep, then awoke and realized his aloneness.  It is through his loneliness that a deep yearning emerged.  This yearning so to speak caused both Adam and Chava to face each other, unite and experience love.
  
Rabbi Luria teaches that it is our realization of our alienation from G-d that creates a yearning for oneness. But there is also a the key moment when both engage in choice to change and act. Since we live simultaneously on both material plan and spiritual plan, conscious physical actions are asked of us to become more G-d like; acts of kindness, Tzedakah, mitzvoth such as Shabbat and kashrus, etc. are all acts of turning and saying we choose to be different. The Rabbi is also teaching that the High Holidays are a return to G-d. We may have forgotten to do all the things G-d wants of us, but R”H is a time to again, in a completely new and different way, forgive ourselves and start again. 
  
This year as I do every year I’ve been reading R’ ALan Lew’s book on the High Holiday season “This is Real and You are Completely Unprepared”.  In this book he points out about our increasing speed of life. The phrase ‘auto pilot’ seems to describe how we live our lives now days; a mindless speed driven, head long flight of constant business, cell phone yapping, computer browsing. We almost never stop. Today is Shabbat and also R”H. Both days ask us to stop. One to reflect and the other to Rest. I am not sure there is a big difference really. Shabbat was a day when G-d RE SOULED. Since that first Shabbat G-d has gifted us Shabbat. A day to cease doing, contemplate what is deep, what is sacred in our lives. R”H in a similar way not only asks us to stop but look at ways we have missed that original place of Rest and how to come back closer to G-d and our planet. But to do this we have to listen.  Not in the usual half hearted way but in the way the Shema prayer evokes a deep listening. Maybe we need to be silent and maybe we need to really see the hidden awesomeness that is here every minute. Maybe the Days of Awe hint to this way of seeing. 
  
On R”H we hear about Tshuvah and Judgment. Let’s start w/ Tshuvah. Tshuvah means return. Maybe when we pray we see Tshuvah and we automatically think of sin. But the idea of Return means returning to G-d and to Oneness. That’s not to dismiss Tshuvah as an easy process. Actually the tradition encourages us to start Return a whole month before R”H and 10 days after today until Yom Kippor to intensify the process. I guess what I am saying is Returning entails honesty and a belief that we can change and that we are every second loved by G-d. Change in this manner does not mean hating ourselves and the “evil” things we have done. I’m sure we have all done things we haven’t been happy with. Maybe another way is to hold our weaknesses, be with them w/out judgment or running away from them. We are simply and completely with whatever we hate, dislike or are uncomfortable with. (and that includes our attitudes towards R”H- I can’t read Hebrew, I’m attracted to the man or woman two rows ahead of me, I’m bored, the services are too long, etc). This isn’t an excuse to continue to hate, lust, talk badly of others but notice how our inner and outer worlds arise pass away and how we can gently transform them . We can open ourselves up to G-d to others and gently return.

Then there is Judgment. I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of Din (Judgment) where G-d sits w/ a ledger marking off red and black check marks. For me Judgment has to start with who I am. Maybe judgment like Return entail honest objective watchfulness. Reflection, Remembering who were are, warts and all. Without the whip and in a compassionate honest way.
  
Are we walking around we vengeance towards our boss, partner, parents, kids? How do we carry ourselves w/ the homeless guy that continually asks us for Coffee as we exit Peet’s Coffee? Are we as critical of the President as we are out inner violence and hostility to others and everyone else who pisses us off? 

The Sfat Emet, the great Hasidic Commentator asks what “Inscribe us for Life” means in our prayers. “There is a holy point in each Jewish Person’s heart. This is the living soul, of which it says ‘G-d has implanted eternal life w/in us’. But over the course of the year as we become accustomed to sinning, the material self overpowers and hides the holy point. We then have to seek compassion from the Blessed Holy One asking that the imprint in our Heart be renewed on R”H. This is what I means when we say Inscribe us for Life”.

Finally I want to close w/ a personal story . A story about Joy and forgiveness and renewal.  About two years ago, my sister and Mom got into a terrible fight, not physical mind you, but a family feud that revolved around the usual stuff; money respect, finger pointing. At first it was hard to see who was ‘right’ from my point of view.  It turned out I didn’t need to.  My sister got angry w/ both me and my Mom. To make a long story short, months went by, holidays, simchas, birthdays. Things went from bad to worse. I actually felt I would never speak to my sister again. Let alone the heart break my mother was experiencing.  G-d works in mysterious ways. My sister went through a horrible personal crisis.  Actually a relationship fell apart.  Now what was amazing was this happened maybe two months before my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah.  My sister was at first alone in her torment and crushed.  Naturally My Mom and I embraced my sister, physically, emotionally and spiritually. The invitation which I never she’d respond to was a beautiful opening for all of us. Whatever was wrong seemed trivial when we all met. The joy and awesomeness of the day was incredible. But the point here is events like this, personal difficult powerful life struggles are microcosm of a deeper hidden picture. G-d is there for us amidst our confusion, our struggles pain and especially on R”H in total oneness, in total forgiveness in total love so we can start over again.

Shabbat Shalom.

LeShannah Tovah Tikkatavu V’ tehateimu.

May we all be inscribed and sealed for a good Year.